Do you ever stop and wonder why everything seems to be going so well in your life? I am having one of those periods in my life right now. Everything is going right for me and it makes me anxious. I know that sounds ridiculous but when you have an anxiety disorder you get anxious about anything and everything.
Here is a list of all that is going well for me:
1. I have finally found a job that is perfect for me. It is literally 9 mins. from my house, it is a nice place to work , my co-workers are a fun bunch and I really enjoy the work. Never before have all the pieces fit together so neatly. I would either find a job I loved but it was really far from home or I would find a job and end up working with not so nice people or lastly, I would find a job and the work was dreadful. I really like my cubicle, I have a window and it is quiet. I can block out anything I do not want to deal with. That is probably not the norm but it is true for me. I feel like my cubicle is a safe place where I can feel free to think and produce results.
2.My blog. I am so proud of this blog, it was a dream I had for such a long time. I put off doing it over and over because I did not think it would be a success. As I read blogs from other people and saw how successful they were I knew I could do it. In April of this year I decided it was time to give it a try. I now have 248 followers and over 3400 views. I cannot thank all the people who have stopped by the blog and/or followed the blog enough. I truly hope that my posts have helped my viewers or at the very least made you smile.
3. Life in general. I went through about 10 years of really tough times. My 20’s were a terrible time for me. The only thing that kept me going was my daughter and her beautiful smile. I am glad to say that all of that turmoil is behind me now and I am doing 100% better. I still have my moments when my anxiety gets the best of me and I worry over every little thing but they are few and far between now.
So with all this good that is happening to me I am anticipating when the other shoe is going to drop. When will it all turn around and start going bad? I need to stop thinking in such a way as it only brings about negative energy. For today and for each day going forward I am going to enjoy all the happiness and positivity around me. I am going to suppress the negative thoughts and live in this moment.
I am often asked why I am not in a relationship. I’m not married, I don’t date and I am perfectly fine and happy. I do not want a relationship and I definitely do not want a husband. I write this post this evening because I am truly annoyed with having to justify my choice to stay single.
When I am asked why I don’t date I answer truthfully, I do not want to be in a relationship. The immediate response I get back is, yes you do, you know deep down you really do want to be in a relationship. No I am fine alone, I embrace my independence both financially and socially. I like that I do not have to think about another person and what they want to do or where they want to go or what they want to eat. I love that when I get my paycheck I don’t have to worry about discussing how I am going to spend my money. I handle my financial affairs, pay my bills and whatever is left I do with as I see fit.
I will often be asked, don’t you get lonely? No I don’t. Just because you are in a relationship does not mean you will not feel lonely. I know of many people in marriages and relationships that feel alone and lonely. Another person will not keep you from loneliness, a fulfilled spirit will. I am not lonely because I do things I love. I love to cook, I love to write, I love to focus on my future, I love to grocery shop and find bargains. I enjoy my work and focus on trying to better myself everyday. I am eager to start working on my PhD. I have no time to be lonely when I have so many things I love to do.
Inevitably the conversation will turn to intimacy. Don’t you want to be with someone, you know like physically? While this is a very personal question I do answer with as much truth as I am comfortable sharing. No I do not want to be in a physical relationship with someone, I see no need. I am not interested in having another child, therefore I do not need to be in a physical relationship. This is my personal choice as a woman. I find this to be a very gender biased question. Men can “hook up” and it is seen as acceptable but for a woman to have sex she needs to be in a committed relationship. A sexually liberated woman who enjoys multiple partners is still not accepted in today’s society. If a single woman chooses to be sexually active there are other avenues to gratification besides a walk down the aisle.
I choose to be single because I enjoy my life the way it is. Others may choose marriage or committed relationships, if they are happy than that is wonderful for them. I would not ask a married woman if she wants to be single, I would not try to convince her that deep down she really wants to be single. I respect her choice and I wish that others would respect mine.
It is a beautiful thing if you learn to be independent and strong on your own. To not always depend on others. Because you know that you can’t trust everyone in the world. And if you learn to be happy on your own, and someone else comes along that is able to add on to that happiness of yours; it is a feeling like no other.
Be scared and still choose to go after your dream
Being scared is a normal reaction to change, it is part of the human experience. However, it is important to overcome your fears and pursue your dreams. You never know what your are truly capable of until you try.