I have not dated since Y2k. There are several reasons, reasons like my lack of self esteem, my lack of confidence and my overall feeling that I am not attractive at all. These are all very negative thoughts and I have chosen to improve upon them. My first goal was to enter back into the dating scene. Being ever so cautious I opted to start by doing some research. I figured a lot has changed since the dawning of a new millennium. My first step was to talk to some other single, plus sized women around my age. Where have they found successes with dating? Is online dating a good choice. What online sites are good, which should I avoid. The common theme that kept coming up was “fat fetish”. I was told by several plus sized women that there are men out there that only want to date a bigger woman to satisfy a fetish. I am far from naive but this was one I had never heard of. So down the rabbit hole I went.
Fat fetish as defined by Webster is: the strong or exclusive sexual attraction to overweight or obese people.As well as traditional attraction, the topic also incorporates feederism and gaining, where sexual gratification is obtained via the process of gaining body fat. Fat fetishism also incorporates stuffing and padding, whereas the focus of arousal is on the sensations and properties of a real or simulated gain.
Interesting. I continued on with my research and discovered that this fetish has its own vernacular, its own websites, its own following. I wanted to learn more. I began with the lingo.
- Chub- An obese gay man
- Chubby Chaser -Mostly heterosexual. They have an overwhelming (and often exclusive) sexual attraction towards very obese individuals of the opposite sex.
- FA – Fat Admirer
- Feederism-is a practice carried out by many fat admirers within the context of their sexual relationships and is where the individuals concerned obtain sexual gratification from the encouraging and gaining of body fat through excessive food eating.
- Foodee- A person who enjoys eating for sexual pleasure
- Gaining-Sexual gratification may also be facilitated and/or enhanced the eating behavior itself, and/or from the feedee becoming fatter
- Hogging-refers to the practice of groups of men who target overweight or obese women, typically for sexual encounters. Unlike fat fetishists, men who participate in hogging are not necessarily sexually attracted to obese women’s bodies; they aim to take advantage of a female’s stereotypical low self-esteem or to derive amusement for themselves and their friends by engaging in sexual activities with women who are overweight. In fraternities, hogging refers to a game which is won by the pledge who returns to the fraternity house with the “fattest female who can be found”.
- Padder-A person who derives pleasure from padding of layering clothing
- Squashing- An obese partner will sit on the smaller partner “squahing” them. The smaller partner achieves sexual gratification from the act.
I then read an article on XO Jane, it was written by an anonymous author. It explained the concepts of a fat fetish from a fat woman’s perspective. She writes:
I love eating very caloric, rich foods and I practically squeal with glee if I see the numbers on the scale climb. I like being called piggy, requested to oink and being accused of being gluttonous and lazy. I’ve had a lot of sex in my life, with many, many partners. There’s not a lot I get shy about anymore. But I still get giddy and shy about eating food in front of someone (in a sexual context, anyway). I still get butterflies when my belly is rubbed and I am encouraged to eat that next bite I want so much. It’s also something that can be dirty and humiliating and embarrassing because that might be how I want it to feel in that moment. Sometimes I may even like it to feel predatory, but like with any other type of sex, consent must be given. I am a fat woman, and I derive real pleasure from feedism. My pleasure is no more or less valid than anyone else’s. I prefer to fuck men or women who don’t think I am sexy despite my fatness, but think I am sexy because I am smart and funny and yes, because I am fat and I am crazily turned on by the idea of getting fatter. So I don’t expect most of you to understand feedism, and I definitely don’t expect any of you to be turned on by it. I don’t care if it’s what gets you off or if it makes recoil in disgust. All I hope is that if you do encounter articles or discussions about feedism, you can understand that some of us get real pleasure and experience real empowerment and happiness from it — we are not victims.
The research I have done for this post has been very informative and I now understand a bit more about a sub culture that I did not even know existed. I respect that each and every one of us has a different set of values and a different set of things that makes us feel happy or fulfilled. I will not judge anyone who participates in the Fat Fetish lifestyle, however, I do not want to be a part of it. Here is the question I pose to you, the reader. How do I know if a man wants to date me because he thinks we have a connection or if he wants to date me to fulfill his fat fetish?